Collateral Damage

What spirituality did I find myself gravitating towards that winter of 2004/ 2005? Much to my family’s horror, it was an eclectic grouping of different pagan and Wiccan views/ paths. Something I always felt a sort of “closeness” to since a teenager was the mythology of the ancient Egyptians. I started looking rather seriously into Egyptian paganism. I also looked into Celtic Wicca/ Neopaganism.
While driving to San Francisco back in 2005 (actually, we were bunking with some dude in Oakland), I spotted a religious store out the window of the van. In the pouring, cold rain I trekked the 6 blocks back down the street and entered the store. I felt a wave of calm and peace pass over me- not completely unlike that I had felt when I put my whole heart and soul into Christianity. I knew it wasn’t the Ativan, either. I looked around the store (which was probably 20’x20’) for at least an hour before buying an amulet of the Egyptian goddess Bast (Wiki says some things about Bast that aren’t 100% accurate. Actually, she has two facets. Sekhmet is the “war goddess” aspect and Bast is the “nurturing mother” aspect- FYI). Since I had first read about her, I felt this connection. I decided that she was supposed to be my patron goddess. I was ecstatic to find such a beautiful amulet in her image and realised this as a sign. Upon returning home, I had a consecration ceremony in which I prayed over the amulet and did some ritualistic chants.
During this time, I researched and studied the different pagan and Wiccan religions more and more. I own loads of books (mostly on Egyptian paganism), a few work books, journals, a pack of tarot cards, and some statuettes. If you’ve read my blog at all during the changing of the seasons and various holidays such as Samhain (which just passed on October 31st), you’ll see me referring to them- celebrating them. I don’t hold any ceremonies any more- mostly because my grandma told me that if I was into any sort of Wiccan or pagan religion she’d throw me “out on the street” but I do hold it in my heart still. No matter what I end up feeling in my heart about Christianity, I will always hold a special place for the “old religions.” (See my watashi no desu page for some fansites I have joined concerning these.)

If you’re wondering if I did spells, of course I did! They’re a fairly big part of any Wiccan or pagan religion/ spiritual path. I did a few and they always worked (it’s like prayer- if you don’t believe in it it doesn’t work). After a few of those, I decided that I didn’t like manipulating the forces in life. I wanted life to take its natural path and so I ceased. I was also never really able to figure out tarot cards very well but I still keep them- they’re very pretty.
As for astrology, I’ve studied it a bit and while I don’t use it to make life- decisions per se, I do look at it as a personality indicator and a sort of guide. For the most part, horoscopes are crap but if you take a look at Yahoo! Astrology, I’ve found it to be rather accurate (at least compared to most others!). I mean, I’ve got my 2 signs tattooed on me. (September 19th is the first day of the Virgo- Libra cusp which is generally believed to last from the 19th until the 23rd.)

As for the role of Christianity in my life now, it’s here and it’s going to stay here as long as I’m with Gael. I’m okay with this and I am working through my prejudices against it. I suppose that was the whole point of doing these posts, ね?

Saturday morning I’m leaving to visit Salt Lake City until the 24th. While I’m there, I’m going to try to do a recap of sorts and do a “final explanation” on why I find it so hard to accept a religion that was forced on me and, I feel, caused me so much heartache and strife in my life. Until then, I hope you all enjoyed my little trek through religion in my life. I really appreciate your thoughts and comments!

Celtic on AOL radio.